HammerSpace
by notenchi
Summary: Ranma's get dropped into HammerSpace. Comedy ensues.


HAMMERSPACE  
by: notenchi  
  
Disclaimer:  
Ranma and friends aren't owned by me. I am not writing this for any  
profit, or desire for profit. So please don't sue me, I have not money   
anyways.   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
"Baka!!!!!".  
  
Ranma cringed. He didn't know what he'd supposedly done this time, but  
he knew was gonna pay for it. He checked, and couldn't think of why   
Akane would be mad at him. What could it be this time?  
  
"Ranma no baka! How dare you do better in English than I did!"  
  
Ranma facefaulted. "What does that matter? It was just one stinkin' test,  
ya uncute, macho tomboy!!"  
  
"Because, you're a stupid jock! I'm always supposed to do better in school"  
A HUGE mallet materialized in Akane's hand, and she swung it at Ranma.  
  
Usually, in HammerPhysics(r) what would happen next was that Ranma would end  
up in LEO and land with a crash in something cold and wet. It was How Things  
Worked. Not this time. For some reason, Ranma got stuck to the hammer. No  
one knows why. Perhaps the varnish on the hammer wasn't dry yet. Perhaps it  
was the especially rainy day. Perhaps the author put some glue on the   
hammer's head.... :-)  
  
Anyways, the hammer hit Ranma. It was a solid hit, so Akane returned the  
mallet to HammerSpace (r), and watched for the inevitable flash of light  
in the sky as Ranma hit LEO. There was none. Akane got worried and recalled  
her HUGE hammer, but Ranma did not return with it. Akane got worried....  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ranma woke up with a splitting headache, and let out a moan. He did a   
post-LEO check: wet - no, any permanent damage - no. This place did kinda  
look like a hospital, though. Everything was white, for as far as he   
could see. There was some sort of floor to walk on, though it couldn't  
be distinguished from the surroundings.  
  
Ranma looked around, trying to figure out where he was and how to get home.  
Finally, Ranma just picked a direction and started walking.  
  
And he walked...  
and walked...  
and walked...  
and walked...  
  
Until he came to a door. The door read:  
  
HAMMERSPACE INDUSTRIES  
Established 1943  
Proprietor Tanaka Ito  
  
Ranma read the words, shrugged his shoulders, opened the door, and walked in.  
Inside was a modern-looking office with a front desk with a receptionist  
behind it. Her name plate said "Dotty Munroe".  
  
Ranma walked up to the desk. "Um, excuse me, but where am I?"  
  
The receptionist rolled her eyes and pointed at the large sign on the wall  
behind her, announcing:  
  
HammerSpace Industries  
The #1 source for HammerSpace  
conduits since 1943  
  
Ranma blinked at the sign and grumbled. "No! I mean _where_ am I? Is this  
place near Tokyo? Osaka? Hokkaido? Where am I!!!  
  
"So, you didn't come to the area outside that door willingly?" Dotty looked  
interested now.  
  
"No! Last I remember was getting hit by one of that uncute tomboy's mallets,  
and I woke up outside."  
  
"Ahh. I see. Could wait one second please?" Dotty pressed a button and spoke  
into an intercom. "Mr Tanaka, could you please come up front please? We have  
a situation here."  
  
A man in a dark suit walked up to the desk. "Yes Dotty? What is the problem?"  
  
"This gentleman seems to have been... displaced from his plane of origin to   
here." Dotty shrugged in Ranma's direction.  
  
"Hmmm. It does happen on occasion.." Mr Tanaka looked at Ranma. "May I ask  
what your name is sir?"  
  
"My name's Saotome Ranma of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts."  
  
"Well, Mr. Saotome, welcome to HammerSpace. Let me give you the grand tour   
while we get ready to send you home." Mr Tanaka looked at Dotty, "Dotty,  
could you have the techs ready a chamber to return our guest back to his  
plane, please?"  
  
"Sure thing, Mr Tanaka, I'll get right on it."  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
Ranma followed Mr Tanaka down a long hallway. There were doors on each with  
different labels on them, like "R & D - clothing", "Accounting", "Inventory",  
etc.  
  
"So, Ranma, here at HammerSpace we strive to be the number one provider of  
HammerSpace needs all over the world." Mr Tanaka had a proud look on his  
space. "To think, I started this company from the ground up, with just one.."  
  
Ranma interrupted him, "Um, what exactly _do_ to do here? I'm no genius or  
nuthin' but what does your company actually do?"  
  
Mr. Tanaka looked at Ranma weirdly, "Why, we provide HammerSpace conduits for  
people. Let me show you our R&D lab, and perhaps that will help you  
understand."  
  
He led Ranma to the door marked "R&D" and opened it. Inside was what looked  
like a madhouse. There was a woman with brown hair pulling mallet after  
mallet out of thin air and dropping them. A man was ripping shirt after shirt  
off of his body, and a shirt was always under the current one. Lastly, a  
person in a chef's outfit was firing explosive french pastries out of  
his shirt sleeves. Ranma's eyes bugged out.  
  
"You're responsible for that uncute tomboy's mallets!!!"  
  
"I don't know, what is the.. tomboy's name?"  
  
"Tendo Akane"  
  
"Yes, I believe we have several Tendos, actually. There is one that makes  
massive amounts of water shoot from his eyes. Kind of weird"  
  
"Really? That explains alot". If, in this universe, light bulbs appeared  
over people when they get a good idea, Ranma would have had his first.  
"Say, could I sign up for a HammerSpace candooit thingy?"  
  
"Why, sure. Lets go to my office and we can get you set up."  
  
"Um, how much does it cost?"  
  
"Cost? No, this is a free service. The catch is that the items going through  
the conduit must be provided by us. You can't fill it yourself."  
  
Ranma looked puzzled, "Uh, ok.."  
  
"After we get ya set up, we'll send you home."  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
Akane worried. She was pacing back and forth in the dining room, alternating  
between a angry and nervous looks. Fortunately, none of the other finances  
had heard anything of it yet.  
  
"When he get back, I am going to give that baka the maletting of his life!  
How dare he run out like that!" This was familiar territory. Angry was  
always better that worrying, and it helped Akane not think.  
  
Suddenly, this was a *pop* noise, and Ranma was standing behind her. Akane  
turned around and prepared her largest mallet for thrashing Ranma.  
  
Meanwhile, Ranma was watching Akane get ready with her mallet, and decided  
to try out the HammerSpace cudniot thingy like Mr Tanaka had explained.  
Putting his left hand before his back, he made a dozen red roses appear.  
As soon as he felt the bouquet in his hand, he brought out in front and  
said three words: "For you, Akane".  
  
Akane looked at the roses, and Ranma offering them to her. Her mallet   
forgotten, Akane looked at a Ranma that looked really relieved.  
  
Finally, Ranma had found a counter to Akane's mallet attack.  
  
Omake:  
  
Akane was alternating between angry and worry. Ranma had been missing for  
4 hours since he disappeared with her mallet. Word had spread quickly of  
Ranma's disappearance. Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyo, Kodachi, Kuno, and Ryouga had  
all shown up, and where waiting for Ranma to return.  
  
Suddenly, there was a *pop* noise, and Ranma was standing behind Akane. Akane  
turned around and prepared get largest mallet for thrashing Ranma.  
  
Meanwhile, Ranma was watching Akane get ready with her mallet, and decided  
to try out the HammerSpace cudniot thingy like Mr Tanaka had explained.  
Putting his left hand before his back, and made an item appear. Pulling  
his hand out front, he aimed and pressed a button, tasering Akane. She   
went unconscious.  
  
Shampoo squealed, "Wo ai ni, airen! With Akane out of way, go on date, Yes?"  
She tried to glomp Ranma, and he tasered her.  
  
Ryouga jumped up and charged Ranma, shouting "How dare you hurt Akane!  
Ranma, prepare to die!"  
  
Ranma tasered him.  
  
Mousse tried to attack, and was tasered next.  
  
Kuno, Kodachi, Ukyo, Soun and Genma all followed next.  
  
Ranma looked around at the unconscious bodies around him.  
  
"Well, sure roses woulda stopped Akane, but this taser thingy counters  
everything."  
  
Kasumi walked into the room, looked at the sleeping guest around Ranma, and  
said, "Oh my!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Words from the author:  
Well, that is my first fan fiction. I hope you found it   
funny. All constructive criticism will be taken happily. Flames will be  
filed, shredded, and used for cat litter. Compliments will be put on  
my fridge :) 


End file.
